Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts will be found at www.polymeansmany.com . This month, our topic is “Poly Festivities”.
Christmas, like so many other ‘special’ times of year or special days, can be difficult for poly folk. Unless you’re very lucky in your family and poly set-up, the chances are that you can’t spend your birthday/Valentines/Christmas with all the people you’d like to, for whatever reason. So, on those days, you have to compromise. I’m not religious, but I love a good festive get-together.
Many of my partners (past and present) have chosen to spend Christmas Day with their families (often because they weren’t ‘out’ about our relationship), had a primary relationship, or had some form of long-standing arrangements for the festive period. I’m estranged from my parents, and so tend to spend Christmas with my wonderful in-laws. As a result, I don’t get to spend Christmas Day with my siblings, which makes me just as sad as not spending it with my partners.
For a few years now, my husband and I have decided to hold a fake Christmas Day, complete with presents, a big sit down dinner, board games and watching classic Christmas films. We invite our partners, metamours, past partners (with whom we’re usually on great terms) as well as our close friends and family that we won’t see on the 25th December.
So far, it’s worked out great. I get to play the host-person and see as many of my loved ones in one room as is humanly possible, I get to indulge my childish love of Christmas, and I hope that for more than just me, it gives some semblance of getting to enjoy a special time with the people I care about most. Some of my happiest moments and most treasured photos are from these days; a mix of friends, lovers and metamours all around the table, getting along. Feeling compersion seeing my partners with their other partners. My friends and family getting to spend time with my loves.
This year will be a little different; one partner is (as usual) leaving for over a week with family, and can’t make the fake Christmas Day. Another recently left the country, for at least a year in Australia. This year’s guests will be mainly my family, a couple of friends, and one friend/rope-partner coming. I’m sad that I can’t be with all the people I love around Christmas, and dream of one day hiring a massive house in the country so everyone can be together. But for now, I’ll have to carry on compromising, carry on making do with what I can manage and the circumstances I am in, and that’s ok. But I’ll always dream of having a poly little Christmas.
On the 25th December, I will be spending the time with my amazing in laws and their extended family. But I will also make time to connect with my other loved ones, family, friends, partners. Taking the time to text/call/whatsapp, making sure that they know that even if we can’t be together at Christmas, I’m thinking of them and missing them. Getting a text from a loved one on days like that can mean the world to me.
Wishing my readers a wonderful festive period. See you on the flip side.